The Verdict: The first major problem with Slender Man is that it’s not anywhere near as scary as many of the fan-made mockups that can be found online right now, but the second and arguably bigger one is that it’s barely a Slender Man story. Instead, it’s a lot of heavy bass tones and fake-out jump scares, for audiences who’ll leave wanting something more lasting and unsettling.
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Sure, the “did you see that” hidden fright is part of his meme appeal, but director Sylvain White never gets the right handle on how to mine that for horror shocks.
The film leans heavily on images of its central foursome ( Joey King, Julia Goldani Telles, Jaz Sinclair, and Annalise Basso) staring in escalating terror at rustling forests for much of its first half, and when Slendy himself does make his presence known, he’s often cloaked in partial shadow, or barely visible at all. This is boilerplate PG-13 stuff, and aside from squeezing in a couple more F-words than the rating has historically allowed, there’s nothing entirely too unsettling here. It’s a very internal, spine-level kind of fear, which doesn’t tend to translate to visual media in the way that it’s so often effective on the written page/screen.Ĭerebral terror isn’t the business that�� Slender Man, the end-of-summer Screen Gems release, finds itself in. The horror of the Slender Man has always been more of a Lovecraftian phenomenon, the terror of a viral being infecting the mind to the point where it’s no longer capable of perceiving the evil that’s overtaken it.
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How Did They Make a Movie About the Slender Man?: One of the more curious facets of translating the Slender Man legend to movie screens (because, let’s be honest, this was always going to happen one of these days) is the disconnect between what a movie like Slender Man perceives as unsettling about the figure, and what’s actually made it such an enduring focal point of the creepypasta universe. Soon they have to learn, the hard way, just how much sacrifice the Slender Man demands. Visions that’re often a little blurry, due to budgetary considerations. Suddenly, the remaining trio are having visions of the Slender Man. They watch the video, each unsettled in their own way. Then, one of them decides that they should watch a video about the Slender Man, the longtime Internet legend about a thin, faceless figure that exists in the woods and abducts or brainwashes innocent children. Joey King of The Kissing Booth takes center stage and does her best (which isn't all that great) with the anachronistic dialogue written by a 50 year old man trying his best to capture the spirit of high school aged girls.The Pitch: One night, a group of four young women and best friends are sitting around, doing what teenagers do on a Friday night: getting drunk in a basement together and watching weird porn. It's an utter waste of scream queen Annalise Basso who goes missing within the first 15 minutes despite her being the actress with the most credentials. Yet it not only fails to tell a compelling story in any regard to its ill-timed and criminally (literally) insensitive boogieman, but it also fails to deliver in the already lazy formula it is reliant upon. Month by month we see shitty jump-scare horrors all as indistinguishable from one to the next, promising some transient thrills with boring, boring, BANG dynamics. Also, it somehow fails to meet even the criteria of a film genre that has already relegated itself to lower than substandard expectations. It's certainly a recording of actors talking and moving, but Slender Man lacks any pretense of artistic expression. Technically speaking, this might not fully qualify as a movie.
"Like a computer virus that infects your hard drive, but instead of your hard drive it's your brain!"
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